Wicked, because the notion that an individual should be guided by what is best for himself rather than the people around him smacked of the devil’s business. To declare that a zeal for one’s personal affairs should be the spur to a thriving society was to effectively announce that one was wicked and insane. Long before paeans to self-interest were a mainstay of microeconomics classes, the instinct was strictly frowned upon. To set the stage, I take my students back to the 18th century, to the dispute that most inflamed the earliest days of capitalism: whether to embrace commercial self-interest at all. In my business ethics classes, I tell A Tale of the Two Shirts, an allegory of sorts for the ethics of self-interest and its evolution over the past few hundred years. Sounds like a harmless phrase, right? And yet no matter of modern political economy is more subject to controversy than the moral status of this motive force. I used to say, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.” Now I say, “I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me.The pursuit of self-interest. Jim Rohn shared this beautiful sentiment “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. If you’re genuinely curious it’s more than likely selfishness is not one of your challenges. One last note: How do you know if in fact, you are selfish? Typically truly selfish people you won’t even be concerned with this balance. Everyone benefits because we show up as our best selves. In contrast, self-love makes us feel open, empathetic, and eager to make a difference where we can. It drives us to give but in measured doses and only with so much enthusiasm.
Giving out of the fear of selfishness feels tense and draining. The fear of selfishness makes us want to run to a cave and hide. You feel connected and open to the person you’re giving to.
Giving from your heart actually feels good. Retrospectively you may feel burnt-out, resentful or overloaded. You feel trapped – without a real choice. The fear of selfishness carries the energy of shame. Then how can you identify when the “fear of selfishness” is calling the shots? I see this to be true consistently.īy recognizing when to be generous, and when to be self-attentive, you’re cultivating a powerful tool that creates healthier relationships and more peace of mind. I once heard that “boundaries” are not just for protecting you, but also to protect others from the resentment or upset that naturally arise from you overextending yourself for them. Worn out and trapped by your own guilt mechanism, you lose the ability to show up for others with joyful generosity. Ultimately you begin to feel overwhelmed, overloaded and perhaps even resentful. Only when you act out of fear of being selfish you wear yourself thin.
The fear of being selfish asserts that we have to do whatever it takes to be there for other people, even if it slows us down on our goals or drains us of our vital energy. Yet the main issue my clients grapple with is difficulty practicing self-love. To feel compassion for another requires you to feel it for yourself. In Buddhism, the Tibetan word for compassion simultaneously means for both self and others because they cannot be separated. Many of you are suffering from what I call “fear of selfishness” syndrome. We’ve all heard the idea that to love someone else you must first love yourself. Not knowing the difference between selfishness and self-love is a prime cause of exhaustion, anxiety, and unhappiness. I’ve worked with hundreds of clients and it is clear. But how I felt on inside was a whole different story. Of course, if you asked me point blank were these things really selfish my rational mind would say no. Anxiety, Depression & Emotional Support A Deeper Look at Grief from a Chinese Medicine Perspective
0 kommentar(er)
